The Celebration of the Unapologetic Feminist Blerd Pt. 2: How The "Very White" Hobby of Cosplay Made Me Unapologetically Black.. For Good.

When I was young and in middle school, my father sent me to a six week summer program at Blanche Ely High School for writing and creativity. Although the program was beneficial to strengthening my writing skills and love of literature, there was an underlying purpose: To expose me to Black culture, to remind myself that I was in fact, Black, and to do so before it was too late. At the beginning of the program I was afraid. I was afraid of these teenagers who were not much older than me. Although our skin was the same, I assumed we were vastly different. Interestingly enough, until I got to know these fellow campers of mine, I was tokenized by these Black adolescents just as much as I had been by my white friends. The key difference was, their assertions were blatant and often times, mocking. "You sure you're from Fort Lauderdale? I thought you were from way up north? "Is your Daddy rich? You're way too smart. You're going to be valedictorian. Ha! You don't know anything about_______(insert aspect of Black Culture here). Of course you don't. It figures. Oh my god! Listen to the way that this girl speaks...." At the end of summer writing camp, we were all in tears. No one wanted to separate. No wanted to return to their side of the property line. We were all so much happier existing in this neutral loving space. I had pages and pages of spoken word, free verse , song lyrics. I had learned to speak ebonics and "proper English vernacular" simultaneously. I had learned to code switch. Me! Who always made sure to never use contractions in her school writing assignments. I learned that what really separated me from those kids was 95N, gerrymandering and the stark difference between an A school and a C+ school. When we were forced to spend time focusing on what we had in common instead of what divided us, we found, I had some "hood" in me and they had whole lot of "nerd" buried deep inside of them. I give you this little vignette so you understand the full context of my overwhelming joy as I now describe my account at my first ever Black Geeks Shoot and the POC MeetUp just a mere three weeks ago at DragonCon....

Sunday September 4th was a gorgeous day. The sun made my dark brown skin radiate with light and love. I could see the city skyline behind me while standing adjacent to the Hilton Hotel steps. The world around me just seemed so filled with promise. I was pinching myself repeatedly because I just met and befriended two Black female cosplayers who I had been following for months. I could not believe the ease with which we introduced ourselves and how within minutes we were all laughing and giggling like we had grown up together since kindergarten. I had been asked to help advertise the meetup to populate the photoshoot and it was a task I took seriously. For every Black Cosplayer who arrived, I grinned from ear to ear, reached out to shake their hand and said "Good Morning! How are you? You look wonderful! Although many people were late (This was a Black People run and attended photoshoot...come on..it was bound to happen) everyone was greeted by directors organizers and fellow attendees like old extended family. My stomach would have loved it if this family reunion had literally be followed by a feast, but I can tell you my soul was more than satiated with this heaping helping of solidarity,  with a side of community and a side of positivity. The shoot was beautiful. We were silly at times, we were serious at other times. We used our characters and cosplays to speak to a much larger issue than "Black Heroes Matter" Our presence demonstrated that we were called to gather in fellowship and we heeded that call like the Cape Crusader himself heeded the bright light of The Bat Signal. Our presence demonstrated that our numbers are growing and we deserve a place in the greater fandom. We deserve a place as fans, as writers, as creators and as ambassadors of "Blerdom". I remember re-posting a blog from the very cosfamous Maki Roll's Chop Shop who vocally embraced being a Blerd and how while she respected her fellow black nerds for choosing not to utilize the term, she loves identifying as a Blerd. I do not lament when people call me a blerd or a bleek or a blerdette, even. I take it as a compliment. Moreover, I take it as an affirmation of my complex identity. For you see, I am Black and then everything else (a woman, a scholar, a friend, a partner... ) For too long I was foolish. I believed that you had to dissociate from being Black in order to do well, in order to be liked and respected. I once reluctantly held onto to the term "Oreo" and tried to reclaim it because at least it was proof that I somewhat..fit in? Today in 2016, I am Black. I am Black before everything else. If I am in a situation where I am stopped by cops, I will be Black. They will not see a woman who had the fortune/misfortune to be raised and assimilated into lily white suburbia. They will not see a woman engaged to a white partner and poised to marry into a very lily white family. They will not see that I wear ridiculous childish knee high school socks better fit for a 4th grader in 1998. They will so not see I am clutching onto my laptop which contains collected data for research that in summation is supposed to advocate for equality and a better human condition. Nay, they will see that I am Black. They will see that I am a threat. So, forgive me and allow me to relieve running around in masks and tights with my newly formed extended family over and over and over again. I would like to say we will all be reunited in 2017, but who is to say? We are not even safe behind this literal mask that we wear. And that is fact. Black Heroes Matter. Black Lives Matter. Stop treating us like red shirts or the first black person to appear in a horror movie. Allow us a chance to live and love authentically. Let us do this and you will finally see, we were never a threat. Do this and you can finally say that we are all human. Until then, do not tell us how to feel, do not tell us how to think. We live in multiple realities but we are trying our very best to survive this one.

The Celebration of the Unapologetic Feminist Blerd Pt.1

Hi everyone. Here at last are my thoughts on my first time attending DragonCon. After many years of trolling for any and all pictures I could get a hold of, I finally decided that enough is enough. If I only attend this one year, at least I can say I experienced this unforgettable and incredibly unique event for myself. So, let me make something perfectly clear, DragonCon 2016 was the year of the Black Feminist Nerd and I would have kicked myself if I decided to hold out for 2017. I have been attending fan conventions (anime, comics, furry, gaming, etc) since MegaCon in 2009. Back then, for every 25 white or Asian cosplayers, there was probably 2-3 Black convention attendees. Please note, I am including black convention attendees who may have cosplayed as well as attended. With each passing year, I saw an extra handful of fellow blerds passing through. Importantly, like me, they were mostly the token, the one lone nerdy chocolate chip cookie. Fast forward to last week's DragonCon: BLACK NERDS EVERYWHERE. And even more specifically, BLACK FEMALE NERDS EVERYWHERE! Some were in cosplay, some were in funny graphic tees while rocking their natural hair, others wore funky cute cat ears atop their head, but all were smiling and laughing and fangirling just like everyone else. This year was already a special year for DragonCon, they were celebrating 30years of programming. 30 years! And as such, an unprecedented amount of newbies were enticed to attend. However, what really made me feel special and get downright damn near emotional was every time I looked down at the little piece of plastic hanging from my rainbow lanyard. This year, for the first time in the convention's history, art work depicting a beautiful badass Black woman adorned the convention badge. I looked down as my dark brown eyes filling up with tears and I smiled. I do not consider myself to be a religious person, but I feel that the universe had some kind of influence on making my first year at DCon the same year DCon decides to feature a Black female character on their badge. And, she was not "acceptable black" to borrow a phrase from my beloved snarky sister. This character had strong African features, rocked a teeny tiny fro, wore dark lipstick, a leather vest,  and rocked a pair of dragons on the side of each of her ears. She had this smirk that seemed to say "Welcome home,  little sister. It's about damn time we had our day!" I knew in that instant that my first DCon experience would be very special. I came to DragonCon for escape, for curiosity and also to reunite with friends I had not spent real time in person with for many years. But, I left DragonCon feeling more proud and more honored to reside at the intersection of Black and Woman than ever before and here's why: 1) The constant display of female solidarity, especially among the female cosplayers. 2) The widespread visibility of female leadership (whether that be from the DragonCon volunteers, the female photoshoot directors or the female panelists (especially the panelists who are prominent in the mainstream media industry) 3) The large groups of Black Attendees and or Black Cosplayers around the convention space and throughout Downtown Atlanta 4) The various events expertly organized by and for Black Cosplayers to encourage a sense of community and pride for their membership within a sub-culture of a subculture.  5) (And your results may vary, but go with me on this) The number of White Allies attending the con and vocally supporting and enthusiastically welcoming the works of POC geeks and nerds. Thinking about these experiences have me anxiously waiting for my next pay check so I can purchase 2017 membership *taps foot impatiently* As a female cosplayer, there is a stereotype of cattiness and competition in the community. If you're cosplaying Sailor Moon, there is a always a gal who slayed harder than you did. And at DragonCon, some of the biggest names in the cosplay community come out and show off. It is understandable that one might be prone to upward social comparison. However, not at DragonCon. I literally did not hear one female cosplayer say something mean about another female cosplayer. More often than not, I would hear a lot of "YASS QUEEN, SLAY MAMA, AND GURL, WERK! Other times, I would see complete strangers run to eachother to take selfies and trade compliments. I had the honor of meeting some of my favorite cosplay queens and much to my surprise (even as I type this) a good number of them became my friends. Some of them said things like "I have been seeing your work on the cosplay forums. You're really making a name for yourself...." And what is even more curious is how many female cosplayers were praising one another across the color line. One of my new friends and fellow cosplayer had people falling all over her Sailor Mercury cosplay. Although she was wearing Ami's original scout uniform, she was working a giant powder blue fro. It was such a positive and powerful statement and makes me call BS about public schools trying to police black hairstyles...Speaking of natural hair, remember that DragonCon badge mascot? On Sunday, my friend and I wandered to Artist Alley in hopes of providing me an opportunity to thank the artist for creating that character and making sure she will be remembered for years to come. There were two women sitting down with their art proudly displayed behind them. I immediately went over to the Black female comic book artist. Her's name Afua Richardson. Perhaps you've heard of her? *smirks. Who else but her could have created this character?  "Thank you so much for creating this character. I love her, she looks so much like you.... I "Oh, I am not the artist but I am flattered on her behalf that you loved her work. That is my friend Babs. She is sitting right next to me. Come, I'll take you to her!" On the outside, I was smiling excitedly, but on the inside I felt like the hugest idiot. "How could I be so silly to assume that the black female artist drew this character?  I thought to myself. Take a look at her work, the art work is not even the same style. You simply assumed that only Black artists would care about and want to celebrate Black women." That afternoon, I learned that a White artist creating a positive black character for everyone of every race to embrace and enjoy was a much bolder statement than one's White friend resharing a buzzfeed article post about "Understanding White Privilege".  I later did thank the true artist of the badge character in between my pathetic sobs. "Thank you. You don't know how much this means to me, to Black Girls like me....Thank you so much for being a friend to Black Women *I smiled at the Black Female Artist I originally met* I am not sure if Babs truly grasped what I meant but I truly hope some of what I said to her stuck. Artwork has the ability to be an effective vehicle for changing hearts and changing minds. And female con-goers really need to stick together as sisters. There may be more women in science, tech, and other traditionally male-dominated fields, but there is still an undercurrent of sexism and misogyny facing women in and out of the nerd world that is long overdue for being addressed. Women attending fan conventions just want to enjoy all that there is to offer with the wonderful people they have chosen to accompany them. They do not owe other con-goers their time, their space or their bodies. Some female con-goers choose to cosplay or wear outfits they may not wear at work or at church. As such, they do not owe anyone pictures or hugs and if they do consent to pictures or hugs, it is imperative that they are thanked for doing so. On Saturday morning, I was walking around in a Bulbasaur crop top and high waisted shorts, when a man stopped me for a picture. When I denied his request, he was very disappointed. "I am sorry but I would rather not be photographed unless I am in cosplay" "Oh. Okay. I am really, really, sorry. he replied and walked away looking like someone would not let him drink from the water fountain. I was then annoyed at myself for feeling sorry for him when I had no reason to feel sorry. I made rules for myself to ensure my comfort and sense of safety. The next morning when I was in cosplay I enthusiastically consented to letting another male con-goer take my picture. "Thank you very much for asking, I said brightly. "What? Why are you thanking me? Isn't that what everyone is supposed to do?" "You would be surprised how few times people actually stop and ask" Suddenly, the guy became extremely irate and defensive. "Look, I didn't want this to be a whole long conversation..I just wanted a picture. I liked your cosplay". "And that's fine, I said, I just wanted to thank you for being decent and asking my consent. The guy then threw up his hands in exasperation and I shook my head as I stomped back in my six inch heels towards my hotel room. The reason why I believe that we as cosplayers should thank people/fans for asking us for pictures or hugs is to praise people for being decent, respectful human beings. Often times, (and I will admit I have to work on this myself) people assume that cosplayers are living dolls and action figures, but they are people attending the con just like you. They want to hang out with their friends, they want enjoy delicious food at Yami Yami Sushi etc. Cosplay is Not Consent is an active movement to advocate for cosplayers rights to their own space, their time and their bodies. Sometimes cosplayers are so grateful to have someone recognize their work that they will get pulled into potentially uncomfortable situations all for the sake of showing gratitude. And believe me, it also sucks when you are strutting around proud of your cosplay and some idiot outside reduces you to a piece of a in a matter of seconds. Or, some idiot tries to take advantage of you in a crowded elevator, or some idiot tries to take an upskirt photo of you while you're speeding down the hallway trying to make it to your next phootshoot. Once again, thank goddess for female solidarity. Female cosplayers are standing up for one another and even going so far as to literally block the offensive person or call them out on their behavior to their face. And, it is a beautiful thing. It is something I hope can be replicated in the actual streets as women go about their daily life. Well, that is it for Part. 1. Part 2 should be out sometime next week I hope... Until next time, Keep Calm and Convention On, WWFBG