"Hey Girl, Nice S.T.E.M. (S)"

Greetings, friends! Last year, I had the pleasure of attending a Little Mermaid Themed 4th Birthday Party. We shall call the birthday girl Cindy. Cindy's mother is a doctoral student who has been awarded prestigious research fellowships and grants. Her work has been published in the leading journals in her field. Cindy's mother loves to bake cookies and get her nails done with her mini-me when she's not kicking major ass in Science. Science is the S in the acronym S.T.E.M (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics). From her mother, Cindy is learning that it is okay to be a cisgendered femme-presenting young girl AND that it is also okay to be a girl interested in the pursuit of traditionally male-dominated fields. Now, let's talk about Cindy's father. Cindy's father is tall, broad-shouldered, and extremely physically fit. From the limited interactions I have had with him, he presents as a very hyper-masculine man. I am not sure what he does for a living, but I do know that physical fitness is very important to him.  And, he is working hard to pass that passion and discipline onto his offspring. Returning to the scene of the party, my fiance and I were sitting down at the kid's table enjoying Capri-Sun Coolers and birthday cake when Cindy's father appears with two different types of gift bags. One gift bag has Ariel's face on it and contains pastel colored favors containing a sea-shell compact, clip on earrings, and a noise maker. The other gift bag boasts a photo of Optimus Prime and Bumblebee containing a noise maker, yo-yo, and something else I forgot. The birthday princess magically appears at her father's side to distribute the gift bags. She looks at me and holds up one of each. "Which one do you want?" But before I could choose the Transformer's bag (I was not interested in clip on jewelry that would probably turn my ears green) Cindy's father said "Cindy, please hand her the Little Mermaid bag. That one is for the girls. Now, please hand him the Transformer's bag since he is a boy".  I pasted on a grateful smile, but on the inside I was wincing. I suspected if Cindy's father had not intervened, Cindy would have let me choose the Transformers gift bag. Instead, her father's direction has introduced her to gender socialization and gender typing. Basically, the belief that girls and boys are supposed to play with different toys, wear different clothes, and grow up to pursue careers most appropriate to their assigned gender at birth. This socialization begins around Cindy's age (3-5 years old). Others argue that the prep work actually begins when parents find out that the baby is going to be a girl (Think Pink! Think Frills!) or a boy (Cars! Blue Paint! Chip off the Old Block). According to the antiquated sexist doctrine of "Separate Spheres of Influence", women were expected to be the nurturers and men were expected to be the providers. When it became apparent that two incomes were needed to sustain a household, (Note, I am writing in the context of the history of the nuclear, presumably White-American middle class family. We will talk about women of color as head of households in a later post) women went to work. Women went to work as teachers, secretaries, and nurses. And friends, what do these occupations have in common? Their primary output is nurturing and subservience. Teachers nurture and care for their students while under the supervision and authority of the principals. Nurses nurture and care for their patients while under the supervision of the physicians. See how the separate spheres of influence were reinforced even while the working mom was away from home?  Go ahead, have your Oprah-Aha moment. I'll wait. Welcome back. Today, women outnumber men in college enrollment. There are women behind the camera in the entertainment and fashion industry.  There are women who are succeeding as physicians, attorneys, university professors, scientists, C.E.Os, and accountants. And, whether you like her or not, there is a woman who is a candidate for the highest office in the land: The President of the United States. Oh and many of these examples include Women of Color! But before we go yelling "Finally! Sexism is Over! Let Our Plans for the Neo-Amazonian Race Commence!!, let's address a few elephants in the room. 1) Women are still being paid less than their male counterparts for doing the exact same work. 2) Women are pressured to get married, bear children AND have a kick-ass career before they are..I dunno age 30. 3) Women are continually subject to gender-based discrimination and sexual harassment. Here are a few couple of examplars. Exemplar A: A young woman is employed at a retail grocery store as a cashier and a bagger. Woman goes out to parking lot to return carts left by customers to the front of the store for future use. A man in his car passes by the woman and shouts "What's a little girl like you doing handling all those carts by yourself? Where are the men who are supposed to do that?" Exemplar B: A young female holds down a work study job in a downtown office to subsidize the high cost of living while completing her graduate coursework. She decides to put on some makeup, curl her hair and don stockings because she has been inspired from marathoning too many episodes of Mad Men. Her fellow work study employee arrives just minutes after she does and greets her by saying "Wow, you look really nice. Are you all dressed up today for me? Heh. Heh". Exemplar C: A younger woman is engaging in conversation with an older woman about her career pursuit of psychology. "Psychology, huh? I was a psychology student until I met my husband (gestures towards luxury vehicle parked directly behind her). You're too pretty to be going to school this long." Let me know if you want more, I have plenty. As a black woman in STEM, I am damn proud to represent. Many of my fellow sisters in science are receiving their doctorates this year. And once I find out, I tag them in a facebook post and publicly congratulate them as Dr. (insert last name here). I do this for a few reasons. 1) To let them know that becoming a woman of science or excelling in any traditionally male dominated field is no easy feat. 2) To let younger women, older women, little girls, and anyone who identifies as female know that we are capable of so much more. 3) To exemplify how we as women can lift each other up in solidarity. 4) To send a subtle reminder to the men and boys out there, that they need to take down their outdated "No Girls Allowed Sign" taped to their treehouses built on benevolent sexism, rape culture, and gatekeeping. Girls can do anything we damn well please. We can strap on sexy Louboutins while we create advanced programming codes for NASA rocket launches. We can wear oversize flannel tee-shirts and Dickey's pants while we grab beers with our male friends and complain to them about our husbands/wives and the obviously thrown game playing on tv.  We can wear vintage dresses complete with petticoats and Granny's pearls while spending two hours in a comic book shop arguing with the owner on why Captain America is a more suitable leader of the Avengers than Iron Man. So, the next time I am walking down the street in my favorite fire-engine red pencil skirt and a man calls out to me from his car "Hey girl, nice stems!" I will pray that for once, he is complimenting me on my science genius. And finally, for all of you nurses, teachers, and administrative assistants out there: I am not disparaging you for pursuing those careers. In fact, allow me to personally thank you for all that you do. You all are under-appreciated, overworked, and underpaid....AND IT PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF that it continues to be this way. Best Regards, The White-Friendly Blerd Girl